Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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