I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
