i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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