Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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