He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
