Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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