What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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