Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
