I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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