My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
