Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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