Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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