So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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