This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
