You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
