I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
