Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
