If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
