YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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