You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
