apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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