I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
