Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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