I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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