It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
