I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Houston, we have a blender
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
