you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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