well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
