i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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