I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
