I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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