last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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