I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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