1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
