he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
