Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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