I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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