Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
