Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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