Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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