im holly from the hills drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
