I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
