That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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