I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
