this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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