I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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