I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
