They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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