meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
