What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
