He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
