So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
