he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
