playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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