I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
