so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
