At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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